


Hero Complex

by queenLiz



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: BDSM, Bottom Loki, Bucky and Loki are Brothers, But he's not really nice, But he's not smart either, Daddy Kink, Daddy Thor, Loki is a sub that has realized his worth, Loki's not horrible, M/M, Mentions War, Mentions of Cancer, Not a submissive Loki, Slightly confused Thor, Thanos in here, Thor's not stupid, Topping from the Bottom, but he has good reasons, cancer survivor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-24
Packaged: 2019-02-28 13:24:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13272333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queenLiz/pseuds/queenLiz
Summary: Thor and Loki were married once a long time ago but Loki's infidelity tore them apart. But things are different now. They are older and both have been through things separately. Loki is no longer the slave Thor remembered mastering. And Thor is no longer the hardcore dom Loki remembered kneeling for. Which is good, because Loki has no intentions of kneeling down for anyone again. The next alpha male he gets into bed with will be kneeling for him. Even if it's an alpha male that used to own him.Warnings: BDSM but not in a very traditional sense. Previous Thanos/Loki in here. Mentions cancer a lot





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still alive! I am trying to get into my writings again. I am hoping to get to my old stories soon. I just wanted to get back into it with this story that's been burning me up!
> 
> I have no beta. I reread this but it's late and I'm sleepy so forgive my errors.

Thor was looking forward to having a good night out and heavens knew he needed it. His life has had more downs than ups lately and he needed a break. He needed a change. He needed something to lighten up his mood because lately it’s been nothing but stress from morning to night.  

He just wasn’t used to struggling as much as he had been. Not that everything in life had always been simple, but it seemed like he had never faced as much adversity. First his girlfriend of almost ten years left him simply because they found out he was sterile. They were trying to have a baby for a year before they went to the doctor to find out why they couldn’t conceive. And Jane had wanted a baby.

And Thor couldn’t do that for her.

 Then a freak accident cost him an eye, literally. He was at work, and a piece of equipment fell and landed on his face damaging his eye. And despite the fact that it happened at work, the studio it which almost cost him his job. It didn’t matter that he’d worked at the station for almost four years or that he was one of the few Weathermen that actually had a meteorologist degree. All they knew was that the face of Chanel 7 was suddenly scarred and there was no way women on New York was going to enjoy looking at a one eyed TV personality no matter how big their arms were.

Luckily, they were wrong. Very very wrong.

Ratings sky rocketed and he job was spared, thank Heaven, but the stress of everything took its toll. He was tired all the time and getting headaches. All he wanted to do was get himself back together and figure out what he was going to do next with his life. This was the first time he’s had any kind of physical issues, the first time he’d ever been threatened to be fired from a job and the first time he’d been single.

Ever.

So, he requested time off work and decided to start going out with his friends again and enjoy life like he used to. And he was going to start with supporting his friend Steve who was staring in his first Broadway Play. He was playing a man leaving all his lovers behind for this woman that he falls madly in love with. Unfortunately, one of his lovers is not pleased with that and starts stalking him.

What makes it worse, said stalker, Steve hated with every fiber of his being. “Let me tell you what Princess did today.” Is how every conversation about rehearsals would go. It was rare that Steve even insulted someone, so whoever the stalker was, he had to be unbearable.

He was concerned though that their mutual hatred for each other would show through during the performance and he asked his circle of friends to come to the first show. Bruce an Natasha readily agreed but Clint and Tony wasn’t about to be caught dead in a place like that so Thor went in representation of the portion of friends that didn’t like Broadway.

Taking a Play Bill, Thor followed his friends to their seats and shuffled around until he got comfortable. Being a big and tall man made it hard to sit in those little red chairs. If Steve was going to continue needing support at this theater, he was going to have to save prime seats because he was squished and generally unhappy about it.

But it was exciting none the less.

Steve had worked hard at this whole acting thing and he was so unnecessarily worried about it. Steve was a horrible liar, but he was a convincing actor. He was great in all his Off-Broadway shows but this was the big time. Thor certainly understood why he’d want to know that he had support sitting in the audience.

After getting himself comfortable he leaned over to his two friends. “I want you guys to know that I plan on making fun of everything. Costumes, decorations, songs, everything. Be ready for that.”

Natasha squinted her blue eyes at Thor not about to take his foolishness all night. “Do you want to die tonight.”

“Dear don’t threaten our friends.” Bruce said patting her hand as if trying to sooth an angry cat. “Stop provoking her, I’ll have to go to the bathroom eventually.”

Thor chuckled and flipped his Play Bill open and Bruce and Natasha shared one. They were so different from each other. Bruce was so soft spoken and kind of sweet. Natasha was not sweet and not soft spoken, but she wasn’t mean and loud either. She was just very stern and kind of playful when she wanted to be. She was scary when she wanted to be too.

As Thor flipped through the pages of the Play Bill, Thor realized he didn’t know any of those people. He didn’t follow theater. Well, not any more at least. And even when he did, Thor really didn’t care enough to remember names or anything like that.

With little interest Thor flipped through the pages of the book just trying to kill time before the lights went out. He closed the book to look at the cast’s Head Shots on the back and immediately his eyes were drawn to the dark-haired man with bright green eyes and a wicked grin. He blinked in rapid succession making sure his eye wasn’t playing tricks on him.

“I know him!” He declared far too loud. “Well knew him anyway.”

“Who?” Bruce asked leaning over the arm of the chair to see who Thor was talking about. “Which one?”

“Winters. Loki Winters.” Thor pointed at the picture noticing that despite the fact that Loki looked like he filled out some, he still looked very much the same in the face. “He’s my ex-husband.”

Bruce and Natasha looked at the picture and then to each other before cracking up laughing.

Now it made sense why Steve was always so upset at Princess. Loki was playing the stalker and Thor knew first hand how frustrating Loki could be. He genuinely enjoyed messing with people.

Natasha stopped laughing and eyed the picture. “He’s cute. He’s the one that cheated on you?”

Thor nodded. “Yup. That’s him.”

Thor wasn’t sure how he should feel about the whole situation.

The first emotion he could identify was an extreme sense of pride.

Loki’s life was hard, and he’d had to struggle to maintain grades in school, while dealing with a harsh home life and trying to making it in a business that was designed to make you fail. And yet, through it all, there he was. On Broadway! The largest stage in the world with all eyes on him just as he always wanted.

But there was a bit of uncomfortableness mixed in there. Their break up wasn’t really pleasant. Well truth be told; their marriage wasn’t exactly pleasant. Loki always had one foot out the door and Thor had a wondering eye that never helped in getting Loki to trust him. Though Thor never had a sexual relationship outside of their marriage he had an emotional attachment to a woman that he would eventually be with for almost a decade.

And who would leave him oddly enough.

It was Loki that stepped out on him.

He wasn’t sure he ever wanted to see the man again to be honest. Loki put a dent in his ego that was for sure. But then, that was so long ago he found he wasn’t even upset about it anymore. He hadn’t even thought about Loki though he hadn’t really thought about seeing anyone after Jane left.

He was just so happy Loki actually made it.

The lights flickered indicating that everyone should take their seats and Thor found himself getting nervous.

The minute Loki came on the stage Thor’s heart started beating wildly.

He had changed in more ways than the picture showed. His hair longer and thicker. His shoulders and arms looked more developed though his hips were still narrow. He remembered that body all too well. It was like a weapon. Loki knew how to use his looks, his brain, everything that he had. And yet he always thought he wasn’t good enough.

Loki was always a sort of androgynous figure which appealed to Thor immensely. That hadn’t changed much. But he was definitely leaning more towards the masculine side then he did when they were kids. Standing next to Steve, he looked like he could take him in a fight. But standing next to the leading lady Amora, Loki had similar slim lines and bubble butt.

He really shouldn’t be looking at his butt.

And that voice. The way he belted out songs loud and sure held everyone’s attention. He was believable. As if people normally broke out in song in the middle of conversations. But even at home he would break out in random dances and leaping all over the apartment and singing songs. He liked to perform and tell stories. He was an entertainer to the fullest. He liked to become different people.

Partially because he didn’t like being himself.

And he was funny without seeming like he was trying to be. His lines were delivered as if they weren’t written for him but like they came out of his head or his heart. Unlike Steve, Loki was a good liar. And he could make you believe things that made no sense. Like a stalker would sing while hiding in bushes.

He passed as a crazy stalker lover. In fact, you even felt sorry for him as he tried to kill the woman Steve’s character left him for. Because it wasn’t right, Steve leaving him the way he did. So what if all the other lovers got the message and moved on. Steve should have known better than to have that many lovers anyway.

Poor crazy psychotic stalker.

The best scene though was when Loki was finally arrested, shackles and chains being put on him as he belted out this unbelievably beautiful love song. It was so highly inappropriate and scary, but it was so fitting of the character.

The sound the crowd made when Loki came out for curtain calls was louder than the applause than Steve received.

That was his Loki up there getting the applause that he had deserved all his life. That was his Baby Doll. He wondered if there was anyone in the audience there in support of him. Did he still talk to his family? He had a brother, Bucky, but he had signed up with the military when he was eighteen. It was his way of leaving that dysfunctional family the same way college was Loki’s get away.

He hoped Loki had someone here for him. Someone to celebrate with. But he found himself not liking the idea that there was a lover cheering for him either.

There was a major temptation to approach Loki, but he wasn’t entirely sure how he’d be received. Loki never was one to admit his faults and odds were, he blamed Thor for their split. So instead he waited outside for Steve to come out to the car.

Loki Winters. He was Thor’s everything at one point but once it started falling apart, it was like a runaway train. There was no stopping it. But as gutted as he was when it ended, he was slightly relieved. Loki was a lot and being with Jane was so uncomplicated.

It bordered on boring. It was so predicable and routine. It was everything being with Loki wasn’t.

But that wasn’t entirely a good thing. Jane was a good sub, Loki was not. Jane was confident. Loki was not. But Loki would never have left Thor because of something like the inability to have kids. He would have come to Thor with literature on all the ways they could still raise children together. And Loki would never have let Thor sit in his own insecurity. He would have pulled Thor out of it and reminded him that he was Master, the strength of their relationship.

Which was why Loki’s infidelity never made sense to Thor.

“Hey what did you think?” Steve came out looking so excited and proud of himself but also a little unsure about how his performance was perceived by others. “Did you believe that I liked Stalker at one point because that was one of the problems. Our hatred for each other always came out eventually.”

Thor opened his mouth to talk but Natasha shouted, “Stalker is Loki’s ex-husband!”

“Natasha!” Bruce admonished softly. “That wasn’t really our business to tell.”

She shrugged clearly amused with herself. “I couldn’t contain myself Daddy.”

The Daddy Dom thing was always very weird to Thor. He didn’t understand how you could be a dom but spoil your sub. It seemed too contrary to work. He liked the traditional roles. But what they did worked for each other. Natasha had gone through a lot and Bruce certainly pulled her out of herself.

 “Thor no!” Steve gasped. “Are you sure it’s him?”

Thor nodded. There was no denying that was the man Thor was head over heels for. “Loki Winters.”

Steve groaned, blue eyes rolled in his head looking exasperated. “How did you manage?”

“I didn’t.” Thor answered honestly. “That’s why it’s ex.”

“I can’t imagine being married to that vain creature. Well do you want me to go get him?” Steve asked. “To say hello?”

“YES!” Natasha yelled out again. “Please get him please.”

“Nat!” Bruce’s tone changed slightly, his voice slightly deeper. “I’m not saying it again.”

She looks down pouty but still very pleased with herself.

Why hadn’t Thor ever noticed how much like Loki she was? Was that why he always liked her so much?

Did Thor want to see Loki? That was the question. Did Loki want to see Thor? Especially on his opening night? Maybe not. He didn’t want to rain on the other man’s parade. But then he did want to tell Loki how happy he was to see him succeed. Maybe close that chapter once and for all so that he could open himself up again to someone new.

“Umm, yeah you can get him.” Thor finally decided.

There was a quiet “Yes” that came from Natasha’s direction but then Steve was walking back into the building.

“Are you sure this is a good idea?” Bruce was asking. “I mean, the few times you’ve mentioned your ex is about how he cheated on you. I didn’t think you had fond memories of him”

“I want to meet the man that had the balls to cheat on you Thor.” Natasha admitted. “Because everyone else things you’re God’s gift to the dom world.”

“He did to.” Thor replied. Which was why it was so odd that he would even do such a thing.

But then Steve was coming back out and behind him was a very confused looking Loki until their eyes met.

Those green eyes sparkled and his face split open into a pure and real smile. “Thor.”

Thor suddenly had his arms full of Loki, he had no time to even process that Loki was happy to see him. But with his hands on Loki’s back he could feel how muscular the man had become. This was no twink anymore.

Loki pulled back and frowned. “You’re missing an eye.”

Thor snickered slightly. “Yes, yes I am.”

“You look like your father.” Loki teased before adding. “I never really liked your father.”

Thor smiled. “He never really liked you either.” His mother loved him though. She liked Jane too, but he loved Loki more. Oddly enough his father hated Jane more than he hated Loki. In fact, he started saying pleasant things about Loki once Jane came into the picture. “You look great though! And you were awesome.”

Loki shrugged slightly. “Well of course I was, I’ve been awesome my whole life.”

“OH!” Came Steve’s exasperated sigh. “Here we go! Now we have to hear about how awesome you are.”

A flash of pure amusement and mischief passed over Loki’s face as he turned his attention to Steve. “Well Captain America if you don’t like it there is always ways you can end your own life.”

Bruce sniggered. “Captain America. That’s funny.”

Thor narrowed his eyes. “You haven’t change at all.”

Loki looked back at Thor, eyes suddenly shockingly serious. “Oh Daddy you have no idea.”

Thor’s breath hitched as the title Daddy echoed in his head. Loki never called him Daddy. Where did that come from?

“You should tell us about it one day.” Natasha said. “We hand out at this place called Midgard downtown. Saturday at 6.”

Loki nodded. “I’ll Google it.” He looked at Thor. “Where’s Jane?”

Thor should have been prepared for that question, but he wasn’t. Loki would ask that because he had this need to know everything. He needed every I dotted, and every T crossed.

“Jane and I aren’t together anymore.” Thor answered surprised that no sadness crept into his voice with the admission.

Loki’s head tilted, his green eyes going slightly cold. “What?” An eye brow lifts in angry question. “What do you mean you aren’t together? I expected you to be married with a dozen little Thors running around.”

He would think that. Because that was always an issue they had in their marriage. Thor wanted children. It was one of the things they argued about. How ironic that was the reason Jane left him. It was always something that made Loki insecure.

What a horrible feeling that was. To feel like the person you love wants something that you can’t physically provide. Yeah, he definitely helped with the disintegration of their marriage.

Thor felt a tight smile on his face. He wanted to keep this cordial, but he was a little taken aback by Loki’s anger at Thor’s single status. “She left me.”

A nice, simple, honest answer gained Thor an almost violent reaction. Loki took a step forward, his face now set in anger that was only a hairs width away from rage. “What do you mean she left you?”

Thor blinked in confusion. “Why are you getting so upset?”

Loki huffed like a bull getting ready to charge. “Because I…”

“Loki! You ready to go?” Walking up next to Loki was Loki’s not-so-little any more brother Bucky. “Wow it’s Thor. Wow you’re missing an eye.”

Thor frowned. “You’re missing an arm.” But he was still very confused by Loki’s angry reaction. Maybe he thought Jane and Thor would be together forever as well.

Everyone was wrong apparently.

“Touché.” Was Bucky’s answer before he started surveying the group standing in front of him, but Thor noticed that his eyes stopped on Steve.

And didn’t move again.

Loki noticed it to. As he noticed that Steve’s eyes weren’t leaving Bucky’s. A panicked, “No!” Tore from Loki’s chest as he grabbed his brother’s arm. “No!” His head wiped around to glare at Steve. “You better control your face!”

And just like that the tension was gone. Loki was throwing daggers with his eyes but his body language said his words held no heat.

Steve smiled wide now having something to use to get under Loki’s skin. “Protective much?”

Bucky sighed. “You have no idea.”

Loki turned back to Thor with a dazzling smile. “Midgard at 6 yes?”

Thor nodded. “Yeah. Saturday.”

As the pair started away, Steve added, “And bring him.”

With a final glare at Steve he pulled his brother forward. “Get your fast butt in the car.”

“He was hot. That’s the guy you want to slice open and dance in his inners?”

No, somethings never changed. But something big definitely did.

000

“So, we are going tomorrow right?” Bucky asked as Loki shoved his scarf his bag. “To Midgard.”

“I am.” Loki answered zipping up his bag. “You aren’t.”

Bucky shoved a spoonful of Cheerios in his mouth. “You can’t really stop me. You realize we are only like a year apart and I’m bigger than you in every way?”

“You realize that I’ll take your prosthetic and hide it?” Loki asked only half joking. He had hidden it before but it was never to control Bucky’s actions. It was for giggles. “It’s a kink bar. You saw the website.”

“You’re the only one that can be kinky in this house?” Bucky asked a little affronted. “I want to get kink with Captain America.”

Loki shuddered. “Eww. Please. Anyone but him.”

“Why don’t you like him?” Bucky inquired. “He’s hot.” As if that had something to do with it.

No Loki didn’t like Steve because he was so… good. It made his skin crawl. He was so polite and moral. ‘Loki you should laugh when the dancers fall down’ ‘Loki you should stop calling people stupid when they can’t remember lines’ How annoying.

“Mind your business Bucky, I’ll hate who I hate for my own reasons.” Was his very annoyed answer.

“And I’ll like who I like.” Was Bucky’s quick response. “Until you give me a reason not to like him.”

“He beat me up.” Loki responded entirely too fast. “I was in the hospital for two days.”

“That never happened Loki. You are making things up. Go to rehearsal. Give Captain America my number.” He turned to walk away. “Or I’ll take my arm off and beat you with it.”

Loki grabbed his bag and smiled. That happened once too. Same day. And it was to control Loki’s actions.

Everyone wanted to control his actions.

It took a long time for him and Bucky to get to a place where they could make fun of their situations, respectively. When Bucky came back from the war he was a changed man. But Loki had been through hell too and he wasn’t the same anymore either.

But they had gotten through it. All of it. And together. And it was the first time in Loki’s life that he had someone else to go through something with, even if it was some of the hardest years of his life. But Bucky’s veteran benefits kept a roof over their heads and Loki kept food in the refrigerator with his odd jobs.

Once Bucky got better, he started working outside the home and encouraged Loki to pursue acting again or at least take a job in the field. It didn’t take long for things to get better from there and they decided to move back to New York.

Loki hadn’t thought about New York in years, but he had wanted to get as far away from Thanos and all the ugly memories he had in LA.

Thanos was supposed to be his older more mature Thor. All Thanos was, was an angry selfish man who was angry when Loki could no longer have sex because his body was being ravished by cancer. He could no longer kneel at the man’s feel or cook his meals and as soon as Loki started losing his hair and going in for operations, Thanos was in another subs bed.

And still, Loki stayed.

The cancer spread. He need more operations. They removed part of his stomach. They removed both his testicles and gave him a forty percent survival rate.

It didn’t matter that he had won that battle. What mattered was that his body wasn’t the same. He was scarred. The testosterone he was on was making him bulk up and act more aggressive.

He was no longer Master’s little twink.

And Master didn’t like that.

Master wanted another sub to remind Loki of his role.

Master was most surprised when Loki filed for divorce.

After he left Thor, Loki swore he was never going back to New York. But the idea of moving back, going on Broadway and being something he always wanted was alluring. He wanted this and after living so long for the happiness of other people, Loki felt like he deserved this. After all his suffering and the now life long promise of loneliness, Loki would at least get to perform on the stage.

Then he auditioned for this role and he got it. He actually landed it despite the fact that he had only done local shows. And he had no dom telling him he had to put his dreams aside for someone else or husband telling him what he could and couldn’t do. He only had his brother to think about and unlike his second ex-husband, Bucky actually wanted Loki to be happy.

And then suddenly, Captain America was telling him that someone wanted to see him. And it was Thor. And instead of that anger he thought was still burning in his belly he was happy to see him. After taking a Broadway stage for the first time, there was nothing that was going to put him in a bad mood.

He had wanted to see Thor happy. He had wanted to see how his sacrifices were worth it if the other man had everything he wanted. But no. Thor was missing an eye and had no children. Jane had left him. All his pain and loss were for nothing because Thor was unhappy anyway.

He could have just stayed and made Thor unhappy himself.

It was a disappointing thing to hear but he wasn’t going to let that mess up his night. He and Bucky celebrated like two young men trapped in the body of old men. They ate at a diner and took their desert home to eat in front of Netflix.

Life was good.

Though this new infatuation Bucky had with Captain America was a little bit nauseating.

He really didn’t want Bucky to date him, but he also wanted his brother to be happy. He had a long road of recovery and he deserved to have a little fun too. So fine, Loki wouldn’t stand in the way of Bucky’s happiness.

When he got to rehearsal he walked up to Captain America and handed him Bucky’s number while adding, “I want to be clear Captain. I love my brother more than I love any living soul on this Earth. If you hurt him, I will strangle you with your own intestines.”

Steve took the number and nodded. “I understand completely.”

Loki nodded and turned to leave.

“But I want you to understand me.” Steve stopped him from leaving with one gentle hand on his wrist. “Thor is my friend. And you hurt him before. I won’t let you hurt him again?”

“Hurt him?” Loki snorted turning back to Captain America. “Oh Captain, what I did to him was nothing compared to what he did to me.”

Steve frowned, and Loki suddenly realized that Steve had no idea what Loki was talking about. More than likely, everyone was hung up on the affair part of the story.  Yeah, that was a hurtful horrible thing and he could see why he came out as the villain in the whole tale.

It made him wonder if Thor took any responsibility for how things ended or if he blamed him for everything.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki goes to Midgard to find that he just can't get away from exes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Beta. This is re-read but it's late and I'm tired so that last part might not be great. Let me know if it's unclear.
> 
> Mentions: Cancer, attack, war, missing limbs and other body parts

Is wasn’t that Thor hated this man, not really. Well, at least not completely. But it was close.

It was rare too, because Thor generally liked everyone even if not everyone liked Thor. He had a lot of people that were maybe jealous of him and a lot of people that thought him shallow or too simple but Thor certainly had no issues with them.

But this guy was beyond anything Thor could stomach. He was so arrogant and LOVED to flaunt his latest conquests in Thor’s face. He always had something smart to say to him that seemed to get under his skin and make his blood pressure rise. Especially after Thor lost his eye. The jokes were numerous and ill intended.

They had similar tastes in subs in both looks and demeanor and seemed to attract the same subs. Thanos seemed to enjoy taking the attention from the subs that tried to get Thor’s attention. It was like a competition that Thor never really wanted to compete in. He wasn’t even interested in finding another sub after Jane, though truth be told he was interested in Sif for a little while.

Sif was one of those strong-willed subs and Thor liked the strong ones. It was so much fun working to gain their submission. And she was beautiful with her black hair and blue eyes. He was actually thinking about getting something going with her.

That was until Thanos snatched her up.

That’s who was on his arm as he practically sauntered on over to the table Thor was sitting at in Midgard as he waited for his friends to come in.

He tried not to get there too early, but he was unnecessarily excited about the night.

He wondered if Loki had only said he’d come to be polite, which was kind of a stupid thought because honestly, Loki never did anything just to be polite. Steve had insisted Bucky and Loki would be in after Loki’s show which was good, because that meant Loki would be on a high from being adored on stage and he’d be open to just having a good night. He would be so one with entertaining that he wouldn’t want to perform. He’d want a place to come down from his high.

So, he picked out his outfit, if it just so happened to be one that Loki liked it would be a coincidence, and headed on over to the club. He picked out a table in the front of the club so that Loki would see him as soon as he came in and he’d see Loki.

It was a decision he was regretting as Thanos stopped in front of his table.

“Thor, look at you! Alone again!” Thanos said with a smile. “You know Sif, don’t you?”

Thor looked at Sif and gave her a slight nod. She looked at him dead in his eyes, a sign she was not in a submissive mood, as he replied, “What can I do for you Thanos?”

“I just came over to say hello that’s all.” There was that grin again, all big teeth and puffy cheeks. “Are you dinning along tonight?”

“No,” Steve answered as he pushed his way passed Thanos and into the booth Thor was sitting at. “There is a group of us tonight. Would you care to join us?”

Thor wished that sometimes he could have Steve’s grace. He isn’t sure he what he would have said to Thanos, but he was sure it wouldn’t have been so cordial. It might not have been an outright insult, but it wouldn’t have been an invitation either.

Thanos’ smile wavered a little bit but not enough to give Thor any real satisfaction. “Nah, we’ve got plans tonight. Gentlemen.”

Thor might have snarled but Steve had the decency to answer back with a polite “Good night.”

“I’m so happy you came in when you did.” Thor admitted as they situated themselves. “I swear I want to knock him out.”

“I would have come earlier had I known you’d be here early.” Steve commented. “What time did you come in?”

“Like five minutes ago. I just couldn’t sit at home.” It made no sense to hide his excited state from Steve. It was more that obvious.

Steve smiled in response. “Nervous?”

“A little bit.” Thor admitted. “I don’t even know why.”

“Well I know why I’m nervous.” Of course it did. Steve was definitely getting smitten with Loki’s little brother. “But I’m not sure it makes sense that you’re nervous. Though feelings don’t have to make sense to exist.”

“Very true my friend. But let’s talk about you and Bucky.” A change in the conversation was much needed. “I didn’t know him all that well when I was with Loki. He went to war as soon as he was old enough to sign up.”

“He’s awesome.” Thor tried not to smile at Steve’s innocent enthusiasm. “Super reserved but funny in a serious way.”

“Very opposite from Loki.” Thor snorted.

Steve agreed. “Who seems to be super judgmental and serious in a funny way?”

Thor laughed. “Yeah he is irony personified.”

A waiter walked over bringing them a couple of menus and two glasses of water. Once the waiter retreated, Steve asked, “What happened between the two of you anyway?”

“We were young.” Thor shrugged really unsure how to answer that. So much happened between the two of them it was hard to pinpoint the one thing that caused the problems. “We got married young much to my family’s dismay. He was trying to get out of the foster home he was in and I think I was in love with being in love.” Thor grimaced at how that sounded. “I really did love him, and he loved me almost to the point of being obsessive.”

Steve frowned as he looked over the menu. “How does someone who loves that hard cheat on someone?”

“I don’t know.” Thor responded almost sadly. “I never really understood that. It was so contrary to his loyal nature, but Loki is capable of doing things that go against everything you know about him.”

It was a shock that was for sure. As was Loki’s delivery of the information. He had just packed his stuff and the moment Thor got home he very seriously told him, “I’ve been sleeping with Malekith. We’re moving in together.”

Even the delivery seemed out of character. It was so understated. There were no theatrics of dramatics. It seemed almost fake.

“How did Jane factor in with everything?” Steve asked closing the menu, obviously decided on what he was ordering.

“Ah Jane. Yeah.” Thor scratched his beard and noticed a twinge of guilt starting in the pit of his stomach. “We never had sex you know, but Loki has this ability to read people and he knew the moment we met. He knew I wanted things he couldn’t give me.”

“Like kids?” Steve nodded in understanding.

Thor nodded not surprised that his friend would know that about him. Everyone knew he wanted children which was why his inability to have them devastated him so. “Seems a bit funny now though.”

No, it didn’t. It wasn’t funny at all. Had he known everything would turn out like this, he would never have told Loki he wanted children.

Steve seemed to think it over for a moment. “So, after hearing that, I would think that he would have felt some kind of vindication in you and Jane breaking up. He seemed pissed when he heard.”

Thor hadn’t really thought much about that once their encounter ended. He was too busy remembering how it felt to have the other man in his arms again, though he was not about to admit that one out loud. “Yeah that was really weird.” But Loki as a weird guy. And he didn’t want to really focus on that. Thor had enough unanswered questions.

Instead, Thor decided to move the conversation a different direction. “Did Bucky tell you how he lost his arm?”

For a moment Steve didn’t answer and Thor figured he was trying to decide if he should let that part of the conversation go. “Afghanistan.” He answered eventually.

For a moment, Thor wondered what that must have been like for Loki to deal with. Bucky was young still and the physical damages of war was just the beginning of the problems vets had to deal with. “That must have been a hard thing to cope with.”

“From the way it sounded it was.” Steve confirmed. “Apparently at the time, Loki was just going through a divorce and they struggled through a lot.

“Who was going through a divorce?” Tony asked as he slid into the booth with his friend along with Clint. “What was a hard thing to cope with?

“And what’s a Loki?” Clint asked as he shrugged out his jacket. “Sounds exotic.”

“We were talking about Bucky.” Steve answered.

“Ah, your new boytoy.” Clint teased. “Can’t wait to meet him.”

“No, I can’t wait to see the man that left Thor.” Tony cut in. “I’m guessing that’s the Loki?”

Thor rolled his eyes at pair. These two were like the clowns of their group. They fed off each other to near annoyance. Tony sometimes stepped over that line, but Clint was careful of it. “Yes, that’s the Loki.”

Tony rubbed his hands together. “Can’t wait to sink my claws into that one. Nat said he’s hot.”

“Nat said he was a cutie.” Nat said as she and Bruce sat next to Thor. “Don’t quote me unless you get it right.”

Thor smiled at Nat. He liked her. Like Loki, she had some rough times and she struggled but she was trying to get herself back together. Before her attack, Nat wasn’t even apart of their group, but he knew something about her. She was a domina, serious and stern. But after the attack, she became a completely different person. She was not that in control woman she was before.

She drank a lot. She wasn’t even a domina anymore.

But she was in love with Bruce. And it was apparent in her every movement and every time they locked eyes.

Bruce helped her out of her coat, a very submissive act if you asked Thor and helped her get settled in with her purse on his side of the table. “He seemed a little…. No, a lot… he seemed a lot nuts.”

Thor laughed. “That would be the proper diagnosis doctor.”

“Bucky was the hot one.” Natasha said. “Perfect compliment to… Captain America was it?”

Steve groaned. “Please don’t call me that.”

“Captain America?” Clint asked. “Where did that come from?”

“That’s what Loki calls him.” Bruce teased quietly. “Guess because he’s so…”

“Moral.” Natasha finished for him.

“It suits.” Tony said. “You are totally a goodie goodie. Totally Captain America.”

“I forbid any of you to use that name.” Steve attempted at a stern, fatherly voice but it only made everyone laugh.

“What are you going to do about it Captain?” Tony teased but then stopped laughing all together as something caught his attention, “Wow, who is this sexy little thing.”

Thor turned around to see what Tony was talking about and noticed it was Loki and Bucky walking in. “The one with no arm is hot but that tight little thing right there is sexy.”

“Eye’s off my ex-husband Tony, he’s off limited.” Thor tried to keep the heat out of his words but his voice came out rougher than he intended.

Tony’s brown eyes bugged out of his head. “That’s Loki! He is going to be big in this club.”

It was something Thor didn’t even think about when inviting him here. Loki was a beautiful man. He was a cute boy for sure, but what he’d matured into was something so sensual. He was attracting a lot of attention and all from heavy doms who would love to take someone with masculine look and make him melt.

It made Thor’s stomach turn.

The pair made their way over to the table, Bucky with serious face but kind eyes and Loki with a big smile but somewhat snooty look on his face. Bucky smiled when he saw Steve and slid in across from him. Loki shrugged out of his jacket and slid across from Thor.

It took everything Thor had to keep his eyes in his head. The man sitting across from him looked nothing like the Loki he had had in his bed.

This Loki had a slender neck, like the old Loki, but also had broad wide shoulders. And his chest was more defined even as his hips still held that curve that always drove Thor mad.

“What are you looking at?” Loki squinted his green eyes at Thor daring him to say something.

Thor couldn’t help but give Loki an appreciative look. “I don’t remember you being so defined.”

Loki appreciated the look of appreciation on Thor’s face. “Ah yes, this is new.”

“Are you going to introduce us?” Tony asked. “I mean, we’d like to know who is this.”

He did not want to introduce Loki to Tony but there really wasn’t any way around it. “Loki, Bucky, this is Tony and Clint. Of course, you know Bruce, Nat and Steve.”

Bucky shook hands Loki looked at everyone like they might be infested with something.

Thor squinted his eyes though he was amused at Loki’s haughty attitude. “Behave yourself.”

Loki gave a wicked little smile as he looked at Natasha. “You are looking lovely tonight.”

Natasha smiled. “Why thank you. How was your show?”

“Very good.” Loki answered. “Better that tonight was Captain’s day off so I didn’t have to look at him.”

That was not behaving. Thor kicked Loki under the table and though Loki squirmed at the light tap, Loki still looked too triumphant at Steve’s offended face.

Steve huffed. “Loki, I swear if you don’t leave me alone…”

“You’ll lecture me about how mean I’m being?” Loki interrupted. “I’m terrified.”

“You should be.” Clint responded. “Those lectures are awful.”

Loki turned his attention to Clint and seemed to be studying him for a moment. “Hmm, you look like someone who needs to be dominated. I can assist you if you want.”

Thor almost gasped at Loki’s assessment since Clint was a known dom. No one would think otherwise. But Loki's offer at dominating Clint was equally disturbing. Loki was a slave. He had never shown any interest in being a dominant. Maybe he meant finding Clint a dom?

Cling looked almost insulted. “I’m a dom.”

“Huh! Seriously?” Loki questioned. “If you say so.”

Their waiter came over then taking their orders effectively ending the conversation between Clint and Loki.

Thor ordered a steak and potatoes noticing Loki glanced over the menu with little interest.

“I’ll have what he’s having.” Loki told the waiter dismissively.

 “Wow. Since when do you eat steak?” Thor was undeniably surprised by Loki’s choice of meat and potatoes. Loki was a chicken eater. And salad. Always with the salad.

Loki shrugged so dismissive as he looked around the club. “I had to change my diet at the operation.”

Thor frowned. “Operation?”

“Yeah.” Loki shrugged like it was nothing but turned his attention back to Thor. “I had cancer.”

Thor’s head reeled. Cancer? He had cancer? “You had cancer? Where?”

“All sorts of uncomfortable places.” Was Loki’s flippant answer as their food was brought. He sliced into his steak and shoved a piece in his mouth. “What’s the story with your eye?”

“Freak accident with a sound device.” Answered just as flippantly, though that was because of his mind still trying to wrap around Loki having cancer.

Loki licked the juice from his steak off his fingers and grinned. “Sound device huh?”

Thor licked his lips. “Not that kind of sound naughty boy.”

Loki smiled slyly ready to say something but before he could respond a tall figure appeared beside him. “Having a good night gents and lady?”

Thor cringed as Thanos returned with Sif by his side. They were holding hands and she looked a little spacy. More than likely, they had just finished a scene. She really shouldn’t be walking around waiting for Thanos to stop being a jerk. “Why are you back here?”

“I’m just checking to make sure my friend here is alright.” Thanos eyes shifted to the side slightly and his whole arrogant attitude changed. “Bucky?” Quickly his eyes scanned the table and then gasped. “Loki.”

Thor looked at Loki questioningly who was looking up at Thanos with an odd look of amusement mixed with terror.

Thor looked at the pair noticing that Thanos had dropped Sif’s hand and that his whole body language changed.

Loki on the other hand looked cool as a cucumber except for the daggers shooting from his eyes.

Realizing that neither of them were going to say anything, Thor asked,  “How do you two know each other?”

Loki looked from Thanos and places his gaze on Thor. “Husband number 1,” He motioned to Thanos. “Meet husband number 2.”

The awkward silence that descended onto the table was palpable. It was Loki’s manic laughter that broke the silence. “Only in my life.”

Bucky’s laughter was close behind, but it was not a laugh of happiness. No, Bucky looked like a big dog being held in place by a very flimsy leash ready to rip Thanos to shred.

But Thanos didn’t seem to notice anything but Loki and it made Thor feel a need to protect Loki from that egotistical douche bag. He almost wanted to stand in between the two and force some distance.

 Thanos gave Loki a look over before licking his lips in a most obscene manner. “You look incredible.”

“I’ve always looked incredible.” Loki did not seem impressed.

Thanos opened and closed his mouth like a fish obviously not sure what to say about Loki’s dismissive tone.

“We’re done with you now. You can go.” Dismissive words quickly followed by Loki completely turning around asking Nat about her meal.

Having been so thoroughly discharged and so publicly seemed to leave Thanos stunned. Loki on the other hand seemed unfazed as he kept up the conversation with Nat who seemed to get that Loki was using her to make a point. She obliged as she cut Loki a piece of chicken for him to taste.

Thor was not fooled though. There was hurt here. Something deeper than how Loki and Thor had hurt each other. Thanos certainly didn’t get the happy bundle of Loki Thor did the other night when they reconnected. He got something a lot colder and cruel.

Thanos looked at Loki was an almost apologetic look on his face but turned to leave.

Thor noticed Bucky was visibly tenser and Loki’s flirtatious attitude changed to some much more subdued. There was a story there and one that Thor wanted to know.

000

_Loki kneels by the door knowing this is how Thanos likes to find him when he gets home from work. Loki would reserve this sign of submission for special occasions and there was no more special occasion than the rekindling of their relationship._

_Things had been hard since Loki’s cancer diagnosis and the distance between them seemed to be growing by the week. Loki knows a lot of it is his fault. He’s had to be selfish and focus on his health more than being focused on what Thanos needed to be satisfied. But that is changing._

_Since the first diagnosis of stomach cancer Loki found himself being consumed with the need to fight it and beat it. But then it spread. It went to his brain and down to his testicles and then he became consumed with just not dying. He didn’t care about being the perfect sub or the perfect husband._

_The first surgery, was on his stomach and they had to remove part of it. The second was on his brain, which terrified him, and he thought terrified Thanos as well. It was around that time that Thanos seemed to start pulling away._

_But it was his final surgery, that one that took both his testicles that seemed to push Thanos the furthest away. It was during that time that Thanos stopped visiting him in the hospital. Loki lost a massive amount of weight during that time and the chemo that came after caused Loki to lose all his hair._

_Yes, Loki’s body is now cut up and battered. Yes, he lost his confidence for a while and Thanos’ lack of attention didn’t help. But he understood. Loki wasn’t feeling sexual and he wasn’t feeling submissive._

_But the testosterone has been kicking in. And he’s starting to want sex again. And he is ready to be Thanos’ slave again. He feels good, he feels healthy. He feels like he can serve again with confidence. He feels like he can please his lover again._

_Now he just has to snatch Thanos’ attention again._

_So, he cooked Thanos’ favorite meal and opened his favorite wine and he is kneeling by the door, waiting for his master to come home and see what he’s done. He wants to reap the rewards of being a good slave while being punished for being neglectful of his master for so long._

_And he’s wearing a seductive outfit, something to show off his new figure. He knows he isn’t the same slim twink that he was. The testosterone had changed his figure, his mood and his drive. He didn’t act the same, but the submission was still there as was the love for his husband._

_So, he kneels there waiting for Thanos to come home. And with each minute that ticks by, Loki could feel his nerves building. By the time a half hour passes, Loki finds himself shuffling on his knees. At the forty-five-minute mark, Loki starts worrying about the food going cold._

_He wants to go put things in containers, but he wants to be on his knees when Thanos opens the door. It takes him another fifteen minutes to decide to get up and quickly put things in containers and into the oven to hold. He grabs his phone and runs back to the spot he was kneeling at. There are no missed calls, so maybe Thanos is just stuck in traffic._

_But more time goes by and the food is definitely cold now. There are still no calls or texts to tell Loki what’s going on and now he’s concerned that maybe something happened._

_But he still doesn’t get off his knees. He waits. And he waits. He waits until his nerves couldn’t take it anymore and that isn’t until hours later. He calls eventually, nervous that maybe he is doing wrong by even calling. But he wants to know if Thanos is alright._

_So, he calls. And it takes three calls before Thanos answers and when he does he sounds like maybe he is asleep._

_“Thanos?” Loki hates it when his voice waivers a bit. He is still so unsure what his role is anymore with Thanos, but he knows what he wants it to be. “Where are you?”_

_“Hmm? What time is it?” His voice is groggy, and it bothers Loki because he knows it means Thanos is sleeping somewhere else. He hopes his husband is sleeping alone, or maybe fell asleep at his desk._

_“Almost midnight.” Loki answers. “I cooked for you. When are you coming home?” Because he’s ready to be a good sub now. He’s ready to take his place by his master’s feet._

_There a moan too high pitched to be Thanos’ but still too low to be a woman. “Who’s that?”_

_Loki’s heart drops. Because there is no other way to take this. Thanos is a sleep in another man’s bed and there was no doubt that it was another sub. One whose body hadn’t been destroyed, cut open and stitched back together._

_Loki, still on his knees by the door swallows the lump in his throat. “Who’s that Thanos?”_

_“Don’t ask questions you don’t want answers to.” Loki isn’t sure who he’s talking to, the man in who’s bed he was laying on or him._

_But it doesn’t matter._

_It’s at that moment, it is this exact second, that Loki decides to never get on his needs on for man again._

_\---_

It’s only in Loki’s life that these things happen. Who else can move clear across the country and bump into both ex-husbands in the span of a week? And they knew each other! Not only knew each other but obviously had a distain for each other.

Which was laughable because they had a whole lot in common.

Like breaking Loki’s heart.

But at least Thor was just a young idiot. It wasn’t excusable, but it was explainable.

He tried to act like it didn’t bother him. He continued eating his meal, interacting a bit with Thor’s friends but he was ready to go as soon as he heard Thanos’ voice. There was a time that Loki wouldn’t have done anything that voice commanded him to do. Now that voice made his skin crawl.

He looked up at one point and staring right at him was Thor’s blue eyes. There were so many questions behind there and Loki was certain he didn’t really want to answer any of them. He looked across to his brother, who seemed to be having fun. He positively didn’t want to end Bucky’s night early. He’d call an Uber and get himself home before any other past demons found him.

He finished his conversation with Tony, who was trying to convince Loki that Clint was a hardcore dom with a very sure, “He’s a sub through and through. He wants to kneel at a master’s feet and lick his boots.”

The outrageous statement did its job of causing some to laugh and some to gasp in shock at the idea of their friend being a slave. It also effectively ended the conversation.

Throwing out a fake yawn and an exaggerated stretch to signal that he was tired, Loki proclaimed, “I’m calling it a night.”

As expected, Bucky went to stand. “I’ll go with you.”

“No, stay.” Loki waved him off. “Have fun. Of the nonsexual kind. I’ll call an Uber.”

Bucky looked ready to object, possibly both the nonsexual kind and the idea of Loki going home alone, but it was Thor that replied. “Nonsense. I’ll drive you.”

No, that was not a good idea.

“Really it’s fine.” Loki insisted. “I have a coupon my ride if ten bucks.”

Thor stood up and threw forty on the table. “My ride is free.”

Loki was starting to get annoyed. He just wanted to make a clean get away, but Thor was making things complicated. “Nothing is free. Get out my face I’m going home.”

Thor cocked a head to the side. “Are you attempting to intimidate me?”

“Is it working?”

“Mildly. But my desire to make sure you get home alright is overriding any fear I have you stabbing me.” Thor replied.

How Loki loved Thor’s protective streak. He liked how Thor would go to the ends of the Earth to ensure Loki’s safety. It spoke to the part of him that liked to be taken care of.

But the part of him that would not allow these doms any power over him wanted to rebel. “Seriously Thor, you’re one of the people I’m trying to get away from.” That was far more honesty than Loki wanted to give. But he was starting to feel a little desperate to get out.

“No, you’re getting away from the situation.” There’s that stupid smile that always made Loki want to slap him. “Come on.”

Loki rolled his eyes and threw his arms up muttering, “Freaking alpha males.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki and Thor sort some things out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No beta! Re-read but there will be mistakes!

Loki had given Thor his address and Thor plugged it in to his GPS but that was the only conversation Loki was offering. He sat in the passenger seat, buckled his seat belt and stared out the passenger side window.

 

Trying to read Loki was a grueling task. On first glance he looked tired but there were some subtle tells that told Thor Loki was feeling a bit unnerved. Maybe a little unprotected.

 

His arms were wrapped around his middle, crossed in a way that might be considered angry. His blinking slowed, as if he worried that if he closed his eyes for too long, something unexpected might pop out. It was amazing that after all their years apart, somethings hadn’t changed about his ex.

 

But then somethings had changed and so Thor wasn’t too sure what to say to start a conversation either. There was so much he wanted to know and so many questions he wanted to ask but was afraid of what the answer was going to be or how well those questions would be tolerated by a man that was already feeling defensive.

 

He couldn’t imagine Loki being with Thanos. He wasn’t even sure what Loki would see in the big jerk. And cancer? Bucky losing an arm in the war? It would appear Loki ran into real challenging times. Did Thanos help? Probably not if Lori’s cold response was any indication. So, he had to deal with it all alone. His poor baby doll.

 

Well maybe not baby doll anymore. He still had the porcelain skin and dark black hair, but he was no longer doll looking. That elf look was gone. His frame had filled out. He looked muscular, like maybe he could hold his own against Thor if they fought.

 

Not that Thor wanted to test that at all. As hard as things got between them, they never turned physical. Loki was more of a mental warfare kind of guy. Thor was more physical but never with Loki. With Loki, he’d just ignore the little bugger for a while. Which made Loki even more upset.

 

They really pushed each other’s buttons.

 

Thor still wanted to dress him up though. He loved putting Loki in pretty clothes and taking him out for a date. All heads would turn at the striking couple. They were on two opposite ends of the spectrum and where they should have clashed, they complimented each other.

 

“Why did you and Jane break up?” Loki suddenly asked looking away from the window, arms still crossed and looking like he might decide to pick a fight soon.

 

For a moment Thor didn’t know what to say. Despite the time passing it was still a hard thing to say out loud. When he found out he was sterile, he didn’t know what to make of it really. He thought it was a mistake or that maybe it just meant a low sperm count, not that it was an impossibility. But more than one doctor confirmed it and it was getting harder to ignore.

 

On top of that the answer was a loaded one. Yes, him being sterile is what sent them on a downward spiral, but it wasn’t just that. His attitude changed a great deal. He wasn’t that happy go-lucky kind of guy. He felt down. He felt like he was somehow emasculated. The whole thing left him not only feeling impotent but being so. That led to feeling even worse. Jane just couldn’t deal.

 

But still, at the very core of it all, the problem remained the same. If he could only have children, none of that would have happened.

 

So, Thor took a deep breath and came out with the truth. “We found out I’m sterile.”

 

Lori’s eyes widened until his face crumbled. His arms uncrossed, he previous hostility forgotten. “I’m so sorry Thor.” He looked away to the passing building again seemingly at a loss for words. Which was saying something because Loki was never at a loss for words. “There are other ways to have children. There’s adoption and you know how I feel about foster parenting.”

 

Yeah Thor knew. Loki was a foster child himself. And though he had some horrible homes, he had some really good ones too. But was Loki’s readiness to help solve the problem that really touched Thor in an uncomfortable spot. Especially since Loki always called Jane Thor’s mistress.

 

“She wanted her own.” Thor answered. “And I couldn’t blame her.” And still can’t.

 

“There are sperm banks.” Loki insisted. “You could’ve found a dude that looked like you. You can pick eye and hair color. Probably pick some joke with high testosterone or something.”

 

Why did Loki have all this information on how to get a child without going about it the old-fashioned way? “She wants a child by the man she’s with.”

 

Loki made a face that said he both understood and didn’t like that. “Figures.” Loki snorted. “Things never work out the way you want them to.”

 

Always the pessimist Loki was. “I don’t know. I feel like maybe it’s life way of punishing me for all the talk about babies I used to have with you.” Well maybe he was feeling a bit pessimistic as well.

 

Loki looked at him blankly for a moment before responding. “If being sterile is your punishment for what you did to me, then testicular cancer was my punishment for cheating on you.”

 

To hear him say it, even after all the time passed, which still such a strange thing. An affair was so out side of Loki’s character that sometimes Thor still didn’t believe it. Thor always wanted to corroborate the story, but he had never been able to get a hold of Malekith to find out why all this happened. They weren’t the best of friends, but they knew each other. New each other enough that Thor trusted Loki with him.

 

But despite all his resentment over that subject, Thor didn’t like that way that sounded. Not the cancer part and not the punishment part. What Loki did hurt, but he wouldn’t have wished that on anyone.

 

“Cancer is not a punishment.” Thor finally responded.

 

“Well neither is being sterile.” Loki stated flatly. “As ridiculous as what I said sounded to your ears, that’s how ridiculous it sounded to mine.”

 

Thor smiled. “Noted.”

 

He pulled up in front of Loki’s complex and whistled. “Aren’t you posh?” It was one of those tall co-op buildings in a really nice area. Thor was more of a house guy. He liked mowing the lawn and shoveling snow.

 

Loki hated all that. It was far too domesticated.

 

Loki smiled as he gazed fondly at his complex. “We got a great deal on it. Bucky and I wouldn’t be able to afford it if we didn’t live together.” He turned from looking at his building and peered at Thor. “Do you want to come in for coffee?”

 

It seemed like both a bad idea and a good one. There were still a lot of unresolved issues between them that made some silences awkward and some conversations taboo. Still a lot of questions Thor wanted answers to. In the end it was his curiosity on the development of Loki’s life that won out over the fear that they might have an argument.

 

“Sure.”

 

000

 

_Loki stared at his naked form in the mirror for a moment trying to build some confidence. He looked good. Healthier than he had looked in years. His hair wasn’t the same length yet, but it was thick and long and wavy now where it had been straight before._

_His color was coming back, and he had put on weight. He had some scars from the surgeries, but they weren’t incredibly dark or thick. They were there, visible, but it wasn’t so hideous to behold._

_He dared to say that he was looking sexy even though his testicles were gone. That was a hard thing to come to terms with and there were times where he felt like the very thing that made him a man was taken from him. But then he remembered his place in his relationship and he certainly didn’t need his testicles to enjoy sex._

_His abs were coming back, and his shoulders squared. The testosterone was kicking in and despite the rare occurrence of an actual erection, Loki was ready to take his place back in his husband’s bed._

_Thanos had been distant and Loki couldn’t really tell why. He knew the cancer had taken his told on his husband as well. It must have been hard to watch someone wither away and decay in front of your eyes and not be able to do anything to help. He figured Thanos didn’t want to rush him or push him into anything._

_But Loki would change all that. After that night, Thanos would remember that Loki was healthy and whole again and that they could go back to the way things were._

_So, he climbed up on the bed and tried to get into a sexy pose. Something that said he was an offering to his lover. Something that screamed submission._

_He kneeled on the bed, back arched and hands behind his back. If nothing else, it said that he was ready to serve again. It said he was willing to do Thanos’ bidding. That in itself should ignite Thanos’ passion._

_He licked his lips as he heard the front for open. Butterflies formed in his belly and excitement started to take over. The bedroom door pushed open and Loki’s eyes met Thanos’ only for a second before he submissively let his gaze drop._

_“Master.” He whispered softly._

_Thanos stepped in and closed the door which was strange since they were the only ones in the house. There was no one to see what they were about to do and yet Thanos felt the need for more privacy.  But Loki wouldn’t let that bother him. Not as Thanos started forward, his heavy boots hitting their wood floor.  Each step forward seemed to speed up Loki’s heartbeat._

_Thanos stopped in front of him and just looked for a moment. Loki wanted to look up and meet Thanos’ eyes. He wanted to see the lust or passion that was hidden beneath the surface of his cool façade. But he knew what Thanos liked and to look at him now would look like an act of defiance and Loki so badly wanted to please to him._

_He tried not to jump or arch into Thanos’ touch as his husband moved a hand forward but he soon realized that Thanos wasn’t reaching for him but reaching past him to grab the robe Loki had discarded on the bed. He frowned as Thanos wrapped Loki in it._

_Loki finally met Thanos’ gaze, only to realize Thanos wasn’t looking at him at all. It seemed like he was looking everywhere except Loki. “What’s wrong?” Loki dared to ask. “I’m not sick any more. You don’t have to worry about hurting me.”_

_Thanos took a breath and sat next to Loki on the bed, still not looking at him. “It isn’t that Loki.”_

_“Then what is it?” Loki asked. “Was I being too direct?”_

_Loki was always being too direct or too forward. He struggled with his submission and that always aggravated Thanos._

_Though he remembered Thor loved the struggle._

_“Loki, I love you.” Thanos said._

_Loki nodded happy to at least have that as Thanos still wouldn’t look at him. “I love you too.”_

_“Loki, I love you but…” He took a moment either to gather his words or gather his courage, Loki couldn’t be sure. “I’m not attracted to you anymore.”_

_Loki blinked at the insult. And now Thanos was staring right at him. There was still love there. Loki could see it, but their connection was gone. And now all he wanted was Thanos to look away from him._

_He hugged the bathrobe around him now, all the confidence he felt in his body gone. “What do you mean?”_

_Thanos looked him over, as if he couldn’t even figure out where to start. Eventually, he looked back to Loki’s face and carded a hand through Loki’s thick hair. “Everything is different.”_

_Self-consciously, Loki pushed his wavy hair back. “I can straighten it. I can fix my hair.”_

_“It’s not just your hair Loki.” Now he was running a hand over Loki’s shoulders.  But it wasn’t a loving caress. It wasn’t even friendly. It was critical. “I prefer smaller men.”_

_Loki swallowed. “It’s the testosterone.” Loki tried to explain. “If I don’t take it, I don’t feel well.”_

_“I don’t like your body.” Thanos said bluntly, his eyes now staring into Loki’s._

_Loki wanted to look away, but he didn’t want to break the small contact they had with each other. “Maybe I can take less of it. Lower the dosage?”_

_Thanos raised a dark thick brow, “And the scars.”_

_Loki tried to blink back the tears that were threatening to spill. It was as if everything on his body was wrong. “Maybe skin grafts could cover it.”_

_“So, more surgeries. I really don’t want to go through more surgeries.” Was Thanos very stern reply._

_Loki swallowed the lump in throat while trying to control the anger building up inside him. He didn’t even know what it was that he was angry at. But he felt it. That anger. “I’m trying to fix this Thanos. I want to be what you want.”_

_“Your submission is still beautiful when you choose to give it. It’s you that’s changed.” Thanos got off the bed. “I don’t like it.”_

_Loki sat there for a moment, robe around his naked form as he tried to find something to say to fix this. But he realized, as Thanos started stripping out of his suit, that Thanos wasn’t trying to find a way to fix this. Instead, he seemed resolved in his feelings. Like it was alright that he no longer wanted Loki sexually._

_How could he be alright with their marriage falling apart?_

_Loki slid off the bed feeling like there were a thousand eyes on him, criticizing how he moved, how he looked. He went to his dresser and pulled out a long-sleeved sleep shirt and some sweat pants. He hugged the robe close to him as he moved towards the bathroom to get dressed, not daring to dress in front of his husband._

_He closed the door of the bathroom and quickly shed the robe. He was careful now not to catch his reflection the bathroom mirror. He didn’t want to see what Thanos saw. He covered himself as fast as he could and then brushed his hair out hoping to get rid of some of the wave. Then he gathered it and put it back in to a small bun._

_He slowly went back out to their bed room. Thanos has laid down on the bed and was watching TV. Loki didn’t know what to do for a moment. He wanted to join him, but he felt horribly insulted. Still, he wanted some comfort. Some kind words after listening to all the ways he was no longer what Thanos wanted._

_Suddenly he remembered Thanos saying he was a beautiful submissive when he wanted to be. And if he was beautiful in that, maybe Thanos would see he was beautiful in other ways. So instead of being angry or expressing his hurt, he decided to throw himself into the one thing Thanos still liked about him._

_“Do you want me to make you something to eat Master?” He’d asked._

_Thanos nodded, but didn’t even look at him._

_000_

 

 Loki pushed open the door to his co-op and flicked on a light. He was particularly proud of his home. He worked hard to make it feel like a home too. Finding decorations that accents that made his home feel like a place of comfort and safety.

 

After moving around so much as a kid and the last few years of his life being so unstable, Loki wanted a place to call home and he was proud to have one. Proud to have provided one for Bucky who hadn’t known what it was like to be in one place too long either.

 

Thor seemed appreciative of the space as he surveyed the area. “You have always had elegant tastes.”

 

“Please this is nothing.” Loki waved him off. “I’d live in a castle if I could afford it. Coffee?”

 

Thor nodded an amused smile on his face. “Sure. I could use a cup.”

 

Loki turned and led Thor through the hall and into the kitchen. “Decaf right? Too late for you to have caffeine?”

 

Thor slid into one of Loki’s high stool and gave a lopsided smile. “You remembered.”

 

As if Thor was so easy to forget. But rather than get into that, Loki started getting the coffee pot ready. Unfortunately for him, Thor seemed in a mood to talk now.

 

“So, you and Thanos?” Thor started. “What were you thinking?”

 

Thor was trying to start a serious conversation by making his tone light. It was a skill Loki knew he developed for, or maybe because of, him. But in this case, Loki wasn’t really sure to say about it. A joke didn’t seem appropriate after all the pain that man caused.

 

“How did you two even meet?” Thor asked giving Loki a starting point for his story.

 

“Right after I left New York.” Loki answered without thought as he pushed the button to start the coffee machine. It was literally his first two weeks there that he met the man.

 

Thor frowned at that response though. “I thought you left me for Malekith?”

 

Loki pretended to be busy trying to get spoons as he tried to think of a response that sounded believable. Things with Malekith were exacty what he told Thor they were and he that wasn’t an explanation he wanted to give. “We split almost as soon as the plane touched down.”

 

Thor nodded seemingly taking the answer as truth, but Loki could see Thor trying to fit the pieces of Loki’s stories about Malekith together. And Loki knew they didn’t fit. Thor let it go though. “You go from me to a silent quiet type, to a brute.”

 

“All three of you have a lot in common actually.” Loki said as he started getting the cups out his cupboard and grabbing some sugar packets. “You’re all pretty dominant, you’re all jerks.”

 

Thor shook his head in defense of himself. “Loki, I wasn’t a jerk to you.”

 

“You weren’t always nice.” Loki reminded. “You’re the one that started on with Jane.”

 

“I never slept with her.” Thor was quick to say.

 

“You were intimate though.” Loki stated matter of fact as he stared at the coffee maker dripping coffee into the pot. “More intimate than we were at the time.”

 

“You were pushing me away.” Thor’s voice was raising as his emotions started to raise at the same old argument they always had.

 

“So, it’s my fault.” Loki turned away from the coffee machine and now looked Thor dead on. “After all this time you won’t take responsibility for what happened.”

 

There was something so different about Thor’s face. He looked older. He didn’t look like that carefree boy Loki knew. “I am not saying it’s your fault. I’m saying I reacted wrongly to our situation. I never meant to hurt you, but you were hurting me too.”

 

“How? By not being what you wanted and able to produce children?” It was odd to throw that up now that neither one of them could produce children.

 

Thor sat back looking a little defeated. Like maybe he would concede to Loki’s argument. But then he said. “That was your view of yourself not mine. I told you I was fine with…”

 

“You were lying. You were always lying to yourself and to me.” And he was. Loki knew that. Thor wanted children and he wanted children with his partner. Much like Jane did now.

 

Thor’s face hardened. “Your opinion of yourself is lower than my opinion of you ever has ever been.”

 

“Was lower. My opinion was lower, yes you are right about that. But I’ve learned a lot since you and I know full well what I am and what my motives are. Can you say the same?”

 

Because now Loki knew what he was. And he wasn’t a submissive. And he wasn’t a subordinate. He wasn’t a twink or a slave. He was a prince and he was going demand to be treated as so. And whoever didn’t bow to his feet would be removed from his life.

 

He wouldn’t have a dom ruling over him again.

 

Thor rolled his eyes. “We never saw eye to eye on what was wrong in our marriage.”

 

“You are wrong Thor. We always knew the problem in our marriage was me. Which is why I left.” And that was as simple as Loki could put it. He knew he was doing damage to Thor by trying to pull him away from Jane. Thor would have never left Jane, even though he was so unhappy in their marriage.

 

Thor stood up from the stool and walked over to where Loki was standing. He stopped only a foot away and sighed. “Loki, what I did to you with Jane was wrong. And I am sorry for that. If I’d known what would happen, I would never have grown so close to her.”

 

If Loki would have known what would happen he would have tried harder to keep Thor. But in the end, he knew Thor was better without him. “They are old slights Thor. None of it matters any more. I’m sorry for hurting you and you are sorry for hurting me. We were young and stupid.”

 

Thor raised a brow.

 

“Well you were stupid.” Loki amended with a cocky smile. “I’ve never been stupid.”

 

Thor stepped a little closer. “I like your hair like this.”

 

Loki, suddenly very away of Thor’s closeness, stepped back towards the coffee machine to start making cups.

 

“You were Thanos’ slave?” Thor asked not moving from his position.

 

“I was.” Loki answered pouring some creamer into his coffee while leaving Thor’s black. “It was good for a while. But things changed once I got sick.”

 

Thor took the coffee Loki offered and took a sip. “So, you had testicular cancer?”

 

“It didn’t start out that way. It started in my stomach.” Loki took a sip of his own coffee. “Traveled to my brain.”

 

“Oh my God Loki.” Thor placed his coffee mug down and once again stepped onto Loki’s space.

 

“I know. It was hard, but I survived it.” Loki tried to shrug it off just as he tried to shrug off the slight tingle in his stomach as Thor neared.

 

Thor nodded. “You did. You’re strong.” Thor raised a hand, and ran his finger tips up Loki’s arm. “Much stronger then I remembered.”

 

That touch, the first non-brotherly touch he’d received in years. It was sending shivers down his spine.

 

Thor was a big man. Despite Loki’s new size, Thor still eclipsed him. His arms thick and strong and Loki loved how strong they were. How safe he felt in them.

 

But how much more would he enjoy controlling that strength. Owning it.

 

Suddenly the front door opened, and Loki stepped back away from Thor and regarded his brother who was standing there with a dumb smile on his face.

 

“I’m in love.” Bucky said.

 

Loki looked panicked, green eyes wide in horror. “Oh no, don’t fall in love with Captain America! He’s horrible!”

 

He heard Thor giggle as Bucky’s smile widened. “Captain America will be mine.”

 

“Captain America will be dead!” Loki promised before he turned to Thor. “This is all your fault!”

 

“I have nothing to do with it.” Thor raised his arms in self-defense. “They’re in love.”

 

“Shut up! And stop drinking my coffee! And get out!” No, Loki was not in the mood for company any more. He just wanted to go sleep.

 

Thor nodded. “Yes, my Prince as you command!” Thor teased but then he placed a kiss, a soft one, right on the corner of Loki’s lips before adding in a stern. “To be continued.”

 

Loki’s nostrils flared in anger as he walked away not appreciating the tone of voice Thor just used, or the way his body shivered with the promise.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment!

**Author's Note:**

> Please comment! I love them so much!


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